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| 08:13am 03/11/2005 |
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mood:  kinda stressed...but ok :) music: some country song on the radio....its really good
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I saw an old friend yesterday that i haven't seen...in years. last i heard she was moved out, pregnant, and her boyfriend abused her. i saw her at work and she looked great! i was so excited. i talked to her real quick and gave her my number. she seemed kinda stand-off-ish so i'm wondering if everything's alright. man i wish i would have kept in touch with her through the years. Lord willing she's ok...just pray for her.
OMG...i had three people the other day tell me that i need to get a Myspace. *stares* is it really that popular? dang...i'm so outta the loop! i dont even know how to get a Myspace cause i think Jessie set up myt Livejournal. Heh...outta the loop and internet stupid. |
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| *hums* |
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| 04:59pm 24/10/2005 |
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mood:  drained music: the Fugees
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"killing me softly"
Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song,
Telling my whole life with his words, killing me softly with his song.
I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style,
And so I came to see him and listen for a while.
And there he was this young boy, stranger to my eyes,
Strumming my pain with his fingers,
Singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song, telling
my whole life with
his words, killing me softly with his song. I felt all flushed with fever,
embarrassed by the crowd, I felt he found my letters and read each one out loud.
I prayed that he would finish, but he just kept right on strumming my pain
with his fingers, singing my life with his words,
Killing me softly with his song, killing me softly with his song, telling my
whole life with his words, killing me softly with his song
Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words,
killing me softly with his song,
killing me softly with his song,
telling my whole life with his words,
killing me softly with his song.
Strumming my pain with his finger, yeah he was . . .
shoutouts and fade.
i heard that song today and its like...forever old but i like it. *hums* so i took the ACT last saturday for the LAST TIME EVER!!! i was so excited that when i got home and outta the car, i did a little dance. :) Dad danced with me. it was a Kodak moment, really. :-p ooo another "last time ever" thing that i did this weekend was go to that Sloss Fright Furnace thing. yeaa i was so talked into that but its OK! it was kinda freaky but its over now and i'm never going again. whew. glad there were other girls there to scream with me. whoever didn't come that night though...you so missed out. i heard that if you opened your eyes, it was kinda fun. *laughs* i wasn't THAT bad...i actually looked one of the clowns in his face so that he would leave me alone. i almost peed in my pants, but i didn't.
so that was my weekend. i hope all is great with you guys and you have a good week! |
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| 11:13am 05/10/2005 |
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mood:  busy music: matchbook romance
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"My Eyes Burn"
My eyes burn from these tears
You'd think I'd learn over these years
Good things won't last forever
So what the hell am I suppose to do
You only wanted the things I couldn't give to you
And you had it all anyway
So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
Tell me I'm wrong when I say
I can't expect you to spend forever with me
I live for that single moment
I take back everything I've said
You wore those words on your lips
As if they meant anything anyway
Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth
It seems I do more harm than good
And I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this
So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place
Tell me I'm wrong when I say it
I can't expect you to spend forever with me
I live for that single moment
So take take everything and leave me scrambling
Reaching for something that wasn't there in the first place |
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| 05:13am 29/09/2005 |
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mood:  lonely
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sometimes i just want to be her... |
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| ChEaHa!! |
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| 11:32am 06/09/2005 |
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mood:  energetic music: dont cha wish ur gf was hot like me?...i hate this song
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woo! you guys missed a fun day! :) for everyone that went to Cheaha yesterday...let's do that again VERY soon. dang. i love mondays like that! mk for those of you that didn't get to go...(aw how sad!)...the boys were the only ones who had been there before so us five girls were just following them. first, they decided to take the wrong trail to the waterfalls...yea. like, three mile hike up and down the mountain for everyone! woo! yes...my legs are killing me. :-p after almost being attacked by the "wookies", we found the real trail to the waterfalls and that was pretty fun. freakin cold! but fun! yes we took pictures and then decided that we wanted to go to the other waterfalls cause this one wasn't deep enough to jump off of into the water. we set out again and once again...the boys have no idea where they are going. *hehe* we drive for about 20 minutes and take about 3 U-turns, and then we finally stop to take another long walk to the waterfalls. hm...no trails? let's swim up stream! i wonder how long we went upstream for...seems alot longer when it takes you forever cause you're falling all over yourself from those freakin slippery rocks. we found lots n lots of mini-semi-kinda-not really waterfalls. we started gettin hungry so of course..we stopped to make a fire and cook us some hot dogs! yay for hot dogs :) we kept on trackin and finally came to the mother of waterfalls. (at least the mother of waterfalls that we had seen that day) it was sooo nice. peaceful, even though there was alot of people chillin up there. we could climb to the top and jump off into the water cause it was about...8 or 10 feet deep? yea. water was still cold but it wasn't bad since we were all swimming in it anyways. moe did some sweet dives that impressed the whole crowd. (ooo!! ahh!!) rube did an awesome sideways...180...flip...thing. yea. he just amazes me in the air. everyone loved that too. then pyro with his famous belly-flop. ow-ee! lindsay and i held hands to jump in...lol! it brought back sweet memories of jumping off our roof onto the trampoline that one day a loooong time ago. :) good times. everyone, including kathrine! jumped in except for jesse. its ok jesse, we still love you. :) she did take the awesome pictures of everyone though. yay for pictures! yes, so on the way back...we were chased by wild coyotes, and haunted by slithery water moccasins. (psh...you laugh now. wait till its you they wanna eat, then you wont be so giddy.) we made it alive though! with even enough time to stop and get a group picture! :) all in all...the day was so much fun and i think we should make that a once a month type deal. definitely. *nods*
i hope everyone else had a spantacular labor day. anything interesting or fun? did anyone else almost get eaten alive? cause i wanna hear that story...:) |
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| *thinks of what to write* |
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| 07:24am 06/08/2005 |
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so yesterday we went to six flags. it was pretty fun, but i decided that we need to find another amusement park cause we have worn this one out! dang! its kinda bad when you're so used to the roller coaster that you start talking to the person next to you, while the ride is going. *nods* Fun, but kinda lame. around 2pm it started to thunder so a lot of the rides were being closed cause of the rain coming. we decided to leave and go sight-see in Atlanta. sooooo we end up going to Underground Atlanta. (its got shops and restaurants and stuff down there) mk to make this story really short...there was a croud around the doors to outside, and they were all looking at the ground. (there was like over 20ft from the street to the ground) so i walk over there and theres this guy laying on the ground with blood around him. some people were saying that he jumped from the street; others said he was pushed over the rail. i was just standing there, and then Mark Cahill's words came into my head. that man just walked off the face of this earth. i wonder where he went...
do you know how many people were open to talking about spirituality right then? all those people who were gathered around staring at this dead man...theres no doubt that at least half of them were wondering about their own lives. im so mad at myself for not just talking to one person...one person about the situation and i might have made them think a little harder about where they will go when they die. i didn't though. hm...i wonder where that man went. i wonder how many of those people in that crowd are actually going to heaven. its a sad picture. imagine a whole city with people, and every non-believer had a dark hue about them and every believer had this light shining through them. i wonder how bright that place would have been. it didn't seem very bright at all.
satan distracts us in so many ways. thinking about ourselves. being scared to talk to people. not having the right words. i pray you guys would ask God for those situations though...cause if we can fight through those and succeed with spreading Gods word, then theres nothing to hold us back at all. take advantage of those situations guys. maybe its not so extreme as that...but there are times throughout our days when God gives us chances to share with someone about His gift. sometimes, we just arent looking for them.
---------
its a strange, mad world... |
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| Summit bound |
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| 09:24am 10/07/2005 |
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mood: busy and excited music: Matchbook Romance...again
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i just got home and now i'm leaving again...feels kinda weird. i'm leaving for two weeks people! dont have to much fun here w.o all of us. :)
*waves* |
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| 10:32pm 08/07/2005 |
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mood:  sleepy music: Matchbook Romance
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"Promise"
What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let me go
Promise me you'll never let me go
And now the stars aren't out tonight,
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?
These memories can't replace,
These wishes I wished and dreams I chased
Take this broken heart and make it right
I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy
I never thought I'd be the one to say
Please don't, well please don't leave me
I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy (easy, easy, easy...)
Take my hand and never let me go,
Take my hand and never let me go,
Promise me...
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
Make this last forever
I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know, you're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you |
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| goodbye for july! |
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| 10:26pm 02/07/2005 |
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mood:  calm
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ha! that rhymed! --^
i leave tomorrow morning for Lundy Soccer Academy. *sigh* four days of grueling and very painful soccer. although i'll be playing my favorite sport and meet many new friends...i'll be running my butt off and missing all you guys! think about me when youre at the beach. or not working. or sitting at home watching tv. or eating ice cream with some friends. or at the movies.....ok so you dont have to think of me during all that. i'll see most of you when i get back! i'm so ready for the Summit. woot!
hope you guys have a great week! |
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| *sigh* |
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| 08:01am 27/06/2005 |
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mood:  angry and confused music: dashboard
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*blinks*
its so weird how things get blamed on the youngest kid. its like, "hey, just cause you're alive, its all your fault!" yea, that makes sense. yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. not to be all dramatic and crap...but seriously. i wish i could get a re-do and live yesterday over again. (not to experience it AGAIN...but to change things) i know...everything happens for a reason. sometimes i just dont get why God does things to certain people. if He knows our limits, knows our weaknesses, then why does He pour even more on us? then He involves people that should never have been involved. i dont understand...but who am i to make sense of things.
*sigh* start another day cause i can't go back. |
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| didja know the killerz wear more makeup than ur auntie jill? |
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| 04:36pm 18/06/2005 |
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mood: bouncy music: Graham Colton, the Killers, Papa Roach, n Miranda Lambert(?)
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City Stages was AwEsOmE!!! *sigh* Graham Colton band played, they were pretty good. never really heard 'em before. then the Killers came on. YESSSS!! the boys let Jessie and I get on their shoulders for "Mr. Brightside". o boy, that made the entire night of pushing and shoving in lines SO WORTH IT!! (i hate being short sometimes) hm, didn't justify the girl puking though. ick. *cough* yes, but the whole night was fun and i'm really tired now. *sigh* i have this song stuck in my head and i can only remember how the chorus goes. its driving me CARAZY!
have a great weekend guys...listen to cool music. everyone's doing it. :-p
Cigarette--Graham Colton
You, you gotta be the one
Whose in on the action
I, I'm wondering when we're leaving
And you, gotta meet everyone before it's all over
Why, your gonna be here next weekend
And you, you gotta be something else
Cause we all got older
And you, your gonna be someone
(Chorus)
You make me wanna smoke a cigarette
You make me wanna be someone else
You make me wanna be somebody you would leave
And I could forget
you gotta be the one to get a reaction
I, don't wanna anyone to see me
And you, you gotta be something else
Cause we all got older
And you, your gonna be someone
(Chorus x2)
(Bridge)
There's always something wrong
There's always something wrong
There's always something wrong
But now all you see is me
And I'll stay, you go, I'm fine, living without you
And I'll stay, you go, I'm fine, living without you
And I'll stay, you go, I'm fine, living without you
And I'll stay, you go, I'm fine, living without you
And I'll stay, you go, I'm fine, living without you..
(Chorus x2)
Cigarette, cigarette, cigarette |
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| 04:36pm 12/06/2005 |
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mood: sleepy music: Fray, Staind
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wow. its the middle of June already. (sorta) crazy world keeps spinning faster it seems. maybe its just me.
God is so good. He's continually providing for me. i really have nothing to complain about....but one thing has been bothering me for a while. i dont get why i'm so blessed and Rube's not. i mean he is blessed but i guess he just doesn't see it. why is it that he cant see the truth? i hate that. i hate that he's walking in the dark and he wont listen to anyone. he's been having alot of problems lately. at home, at work, and with this girl. *sigh* yea i could say some things about her, but i wont. come to find out, the situation with her and Rube is a little more serious then we all thought. serious aka bad news.
i wont go into details. mostly cause i really dont know many but pray for him. he's going through alot right now and i just dont know what to do to help him out. i feel kinda stupid walking around with a good attitude, great jobs, good sports and awesome friends; meanwhile, he's over there being all rebellious and in the woe-is-me tude. *shakes head* the Lord throws some interesting trials at us but this one might take a little longer to get through.
on a better note...i hope you guys are having a great summer! :) i miss seeing everyone at least once a week. anyways, enjoy the time off! |
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| dancing and soccer? good or bad combo? |
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| 04:57am 03/06/2005 |
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mood:  grateful for the sunshine music: the Killers
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.I wanna Riverdance.
*high five for steph and jessie*
:)
the rain finally stopped. it was so good to look out the little drive-thru window at work, that i've become VERY familiar with, and see the sunshine. *deep breath* i didn't realize how much i really enjoy the sun until i had over a week without it! i miss soccer. i haven't played in forever it seems. first day of try-outs are tomorrow. *thinks* i'm not too nervous about it, which surprises me.
no worries. even if i suck and shank open goals...i'll be playing the best sport ever with awesome friends. woo hoo! hurray for saturdays! i hope you guys have an amazing saturday tomorrow. *waves*
"..and if the answer is no, can i change your mind?" |
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| 04:46pm 08/05/2005 |
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mood: bouncy
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:) Concordia was so much fun last night!!! you all shoulda been there...Stephanie Cook, you are the most fun person to hang out with EvEr!!! no more Sprites for you! ;) mua-haha. those boys thought we were jokin'. *nudge nudge*
seriously though, when i get older...dont ever let me buy outfits that resemble Christmas trees. its just...not cute. :-p Thanks for last night...i had fun dancing with you! we need to do that more often. even if we dont go dancing, we'll all hang out again...grab a couple of Sprites. *smiles*
*HUG!* |
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| 11:06pm 04/05/2005 |
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mood: excited! music: Jars of Clay...yea, oldies there
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*sigh*
UCF was so freakin' awesome tonight. :) WoW! i wish you all could have been there. we sang most of the time, but we also had commissioning for those seniors leaving and people going off during the summer. it was a great time of prayer...but the praise music was just...incredible. i can't even tell you how excited i am about heaven right now. heh...jessie and i were walking outta UCF and we were both like..."yup, i'm ready for heaven now." :) Come quickly Lord Jesus.
so i've been thinking alot about this summer. for the past three years i've always been used by God through the mission field. Belize, England, France, Germany, Belgium, Holland, Wales, Dominican Republic...all places that i went cause i felt God calling my name there. They were awesome summers filled with A LOT of spiritual struggles but a huge amount of growing. that brings me here...what to do this summer?
Summit at Bryan College
mission trip
training camp for mission trip
soccer camps
the BEACH!
try-outs for soccer
work
more work
college searching
what am i supposed to do this summer? for once in my life...i have really no idea what He wants me to do. i mean...not the first time EVER cause i have been even more lost then this, but usually i have an idea of where He's leading me to spend my summer. this time...nada. i have a longing to serve Him, just haven't found where yet. it hit me the other night that i really....REALLY wanna go to the Summit. Rube's been goin the past two years and he's come back with alot of information. it sounds like alot of fun. :) i WAS goin to go last year but i got sick. (yes jessie...i REALLY did get sick) i shoulda been a bad friend and just given you that Dominican Flu. yea.
another thing that's really been on my mind is soccer. i think the only way that i'll get into a college is through soccer, cause i'm really not that smart. yea, Rube got all those benefits. so dad of course is all out with the "you need to get into all the good soccer camps and go to all the soccer try-outs that you can get to so you'll have a wide range of teams for the fall." o dad...i still dont know if that's what God wants for me. yea, it all looks great right now. if i could get a free ride to college....gah, that would just be amazing!! what if that's just what I WANT though? what if that's not what God's plan is for me? *shrugs* i guess only time will tell. i am grateful that dad is supportive with soccer but sometimes...he can get a little too much for me. forcing someone to go to five try-outs so they'll have a choice of where they wanna play...yikes. my little legs can't take the beating!
so pray for me, as i pray for you guys. i know that summers are a great thing. no school. preparing for the coming year, and spending time with friends. it's a time to just relax and enjoy life. remember though...the greatest fulfillment comes from serving the King. :) Joel, the speaker at UCF, said something tonight that stuck in my head. he prayed that we would all enter heaven tired, from doing God's work here on earth. not tired OF doing the work...but tired FROM doing the work. wow. *smiles* God's plan for every one of us is so awesome. |
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| .... |
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| 07:49am 29/04/2005 |
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mood: pain is temporary
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god...it hurts so much to say goodbye. |
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| new band...woo hoo |
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| 07:34am 08/04/2005 |
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music: something corporate
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you woke up, in pieces
from making these changes
and holding the ransom, won't write you an anthem
on the outside, I'm trying, cause inside, I'm dying
this broken heart was stronger then,
now I cant stand to part with this
this broken heart
you took me for granted
now I'm changed, you haven't
it wont be so easy to sell me this feeling
this broken heart, was stronger than, the words I wish you never meant
this broken heart
can't make this right, you see on my face,
that I'm not gonna be alright, not tonight,
you can read all my letters, but that won't mean things are fine,
not this time, cause you gave away all the secrets of you and I
this broken heart, was stronger then
now I cant stand to part with this
this broken heart, was stronger than,
the words I wish you never meant
this broken heart |
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| 07:04pm 06/04/2005 |
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mood: i hate traffic music: random station changes from Jessie's radio
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she cries
the rain runs down the window, tonight
her arms are folded and her legs are crossed
she's waiting for something that she long ago lost
wondering, wandering
she dreams
the wind blows softly in her hair
her hands are folded in her lap
waiting
digging her toes into the sand, deeper, deeper like her scars
the fire is warm
she asks herself, is this the right shade of pink, for tonight?
she's looking at his lips
waiting
she's awake now
it's no longer waiting
but her eyes are still wet
she's cold
she misses him
yeah she misses him
she cries
----------------------------------------
today was...carazy. i almost got killed about three times. freakin downtown traffic. i hate old people driving on the interstate. i hate middle aged people driving on the interstate. come to think of it...i hate everyone on the interstate that drives when IM driving. asdghoaisn;wibaosibha;osihng;alskgh.
whew. i feel better. yes. i love life. --everything cept that freakin highway-- how was everyone else's day? post about the great experiences that you all had...it might make me smile. or get really jealous. :-p HAVE A GREAT DAY!! |
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| 09:03pm 31/03/2005 |
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Soccer is easy.
All you have to do is put a ball into a net.
A net that's about 20 yards away.
Without using your hands.
And guarded by a guy who CAN use his hands.
Plus you've been running full speed for over 40 minutes.
So your heart is ready to explode.
Like your lungs did 10 minutes ago.
Oh, and there are 10 other guys who'll do everything they can to stop you.
And thousands of people in the stands chanting and screaming.
If you miss, they might forgive you.
But probably not.
Well soccer looks easy. |
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| thoughts for us all... |
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| 09:45am 16/03/2005 |
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mood:  ....good :) music: random mix of songs
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Man...seems like everyone has so much stuff on their plates right now. Are we all growing up this quickly? How sad, but exciting, to look at everything that we have going on right now. I barely have time to just sit and think. I feel like I'm almost, pushing friends away cause I've loaded myself down with all these things I have to get done during the week. I had a week's worth of school to do yesterday. A week. I can't believe that I have two jobs now. I'm on two soccer teams. This is sad to say but I'm almost glad that co-op is almost over cause then that's one more thing I dont have to worry about. :) This past semester in co-op has probably been the most awkward and weird, but most fun one I've ever experienced.
I went to University Day at Alabama on Monday. (woo! hoo!) Yes, it was so much fun and I had a blast with you guys! Lauren and I went through the nursing program classes and got info on their school there. OMG! How awesome would it be to go there? Just everything they offer with getting right into nursing school as a freshman and the programs they offer. It was overwhelming and sooo much fun! Then I sat back and started wondering...where does soccer come in this picture? My life...has been built around soccer for the past three years. Every camp, program, better team, training, EVERYTHING that had to do with soccer, I've gotten involved in. AND I brought friends with me! Soccer is a part of me. It's who I am. Like, not all that I am, but without it I'm not complete. I dont know if thats wrong...but thats how it is.
I sat down with Kristi yesterday and we were talking about what's been going on in our lives lately. She's getting married in October. I can barely believe that. What blows me away is that Cassie is getting married in July! omg...I cant imagine getting married at 18! There's so much in life that I want to accomplish before I get married. Then I started thinking about college. Jobs. Careers. Family. Money. Cars. School. Everything. Which is more important? To follow that dream that I've had forever? (soccer) I know I can get a scholarship for soccer. I've already been looked at by schools. They are small schools, but a free ride is a free ride. What about school? Which is more important? I'm starting to feel like...I know I'm going to have to choose. Do I take that dream that I've always had? Or go with the dream that I'm just now getting? I'm so excited about nursing school at Bama...but what about soccer? I've never even thought about going to college without playing soccer too. Will I have time for soccer? Should I start focusing on school now more then soccer? I have one year left. Just one. How scary is that? I'm only 17. I usually dont like to say it like that. Usually its like, "I'm 17 years old...I can do anything." (not really but you know)
That really makes you think. Are you ready for what you think you're ready for? Do you really think you can live on your own in a year? two years?...six months? Are you ready for life? cause it will be thrown at you very quickly. Not only we have jobs, school, possibly sports, but there will be social life. old friends. new friends. temptations. challenges. my limits and boundaries will be stretched to the max. How awefully scary. Am I strong enough? That question keeps popping in my head. If I feel that God wants me to go to school by paying for it...without soccer...will I be strong enough to make it? Dang...I know that I'm going to feel like a failure. Either way. I wasn't good enough to get a scholarship to Bama so that I could have just gotten both dreams. I wasn't smart enough to choose school, cause that's whats more important. I wasn't good enough to get on the right team. I wasnt good enough. That question is so dominant in people's lives.
Dont get me wrong. heh. I'm really excited about college, but I'm sooo thankful that I have another year at home. I have to pray every day that God would show me what He wants me to do. I would lay aside soccer for something else if that's what He wanted from me. I would go to a college to study something completely random, if that's how He wanted to use me. I will stay home and work for the money if that's what I feel led to do. I just dont know. Somehow...every person finds out what God wants from them. cause obviously we all felt led to study, teach, play, lead...something. We all have a calling on this earth. The hard part is to find out what that purpose is. *smiles* Life's a journey I guess. A scary one. But a beautiful one. Remind yourself every day to enjoy what gets thrown at you. After all...you may never in this lifetime, get another chance to do that very thing ever again. Take life as it comes to you. Enjoy every minute of it. Life is so short...*smiles*...but its a precious gift.
"If life is a journey, then lifes greatest tragedy is not having enjoyed the trip." |
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